Please Keep Trying!

I get asked repeatedly how I did what I’ve done. I tell them, I eat like a traditional Japanese woman. Meaning I eat veggies, tofu and fish with very little dairy and eggs and absolutely no meat from mammals or poultry. There. No need to write a book now, right?

Even after I give people this info, they still want to know more: “Is that it? Isn’t there anything else?” Uh, yeah, it involved me taking responsibility for my actions and owning my habits. It was a re-education. It was me starting to walk 15, 20, 30, 60 minutes a day. It was tossing out the ho-ho’s and baloney.

Is that it? No, no noooooo. Then I tell people, OK, let’s get esoteric: I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe I became fat in order to develop into who I am today. My lard was my cocoon, and my present self is a reflection of the hard work I had to do in my head in terms of acceptance and growth.

This is the point people’s eyes gloss over and I know I’ve lost them. Any time I mention “self-work” or “acceptance” or “it starts in your head and your soul”, the people so desperate to know my “secret” have tuned out. All they heard was: “Japanese food=me get skinny“.

This makes me frustrated, angry and sad. So sad. There’s a saying: “When the student is ready, the master will appear.” The master in this case is a person’s desire and determination to truly change, no matter how painful the process. When the master finally makes his/ her appearance, you know you’re ready for change. The book I plan on writing is about the arrival of my master and how I’m still following him to this day.

Anyone still waiting for their Sensei to make an appearance?

This is my first entry and I can’t say it’s an entirely positive one. My first thought that comes to mind in typing is, “WTF?!” Why? Because I went in to the YMCA to see if it’s even possible to get rid of the last pounds I have lingering (I figured I was done and the flotsam round my waist was leftover skin) and came away with a body fat reading of 32.4%. No. Fricking. Way. No, no, no, no, no way in hell am I still obese! I’m not still a fat girl! I won’t accept it!

Seriously, I lost 8 pant sizes and 10 top sizes. I need to buy size small tops since everything is too big on me now. No way in hell does an obese woman wear a size small top and 12-14 jeans. WTF!!!

I’m so upset right now. I don’t see a fat girl in the mirror, I don’t feel like a fat girl, I don’t move like a fat girl, and I don’t “act” like a fat girl. I like the way I look and feel and I’ll look hella hotter when the loose skin is lasered away. No way is that reading correct.

But, hell, the trainer said he’d like me to get under 30% in 2-3 weeks. Even if that reading was skewed by the 15 or so extra pounds of skin, I always feel it’s a good idea to build lean muscle mass. And that’s what the goal is: Build up 3-5 pounds of lean muscle in the next month or so. I honestly don’t think I’m going to get that reading under 29%; can’t do it with all the lard hiding away in the folds of skin, but that body fat meter bitch-slapped me with a white glove. It’s on.