Please Keep Trying!

There are times I wish I wasn’t watching how and what I eat. These moments come up and remind me strongly of the cravings I used to have when I quit smoking eleven years ago. I used to have these horrible urges to buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke every last one of them in one sitting. While it seems to be perfectly acceptable for an ex-smoker to experience cravings, it doesn’t appear that food cravings from an ex-fatty are as OK. I figure if it’s fine for society to accept nicotine cravings, it should be just as acceptable to embrace piggy moments.

Whenever I feel an intense desire to go out and buy a bakery cake and scarf down every crumb, I know I’m having a piggy moment. If I ever feel the need to have seconds whenever everybody else is content with firsts, I’m having a piggy moment. Wanting the Twinkie, piggy moment.

I’ve been having many piggy moments lately, some of which have been indulged. The entire plate of shrimp lo mein plus a bowl of egg drop soup and two spring rolls was most assuredly a piggy moment. Two buttered slices of Irish soda bread, two eggs and two pieces of toast, ouch, piggy moment. I always have to step back when I’m getting hit hard by piggy moments and take stock of why I’m having them. Am I really that hungry? Am I bored? Stressed? Depressed? Am I satisfying an addiction? Which one? What am I getting out of eating so much food? Can I get the same feelings from something less destructive?

Yeah, it’s work to step back and admit there’s something not right with the way I’m living or eating. Taking mental notes of good habits and bad habits is uncomfortable at best. I’m still going to the gym, still exercising, which is probably my only saving grace right now. If I wasn’t lifting or doing my interval training, I imagine I’d be really putting on the fat. As it is, there’s a hint of out of control-ness, a bit of, “My, that escalated quickly”, that has me scared I might take a turn for the fatter if I don’t find out what’s going wrong, now.

Personally, I think what’s happening with the food is a bit of sugar addiction, self rewarding, boredom and stress eating. Admitting the problems, sadly, doesn’t make them automatically disappear. There’s more work to be done, more re-education, more switching of one bad habit for a better one. It’s a constant battle to overcome bad habits which resurge if not monitored on a regular basis. Whenever I think I have my weight problem fixed forever, I realize I’ll need to keep learning, keep doing better, keep moving forward, in essence, keep trying.